Hi, my name is Beth, and I’m afraid…of nearly everything.
Not just the kind of things most people fear, like heights, public speaking, or snakes. No, I’m afraid of much less dangerous events and items: talking to a stranger, lighting a match, frogs.
Some of my fears aren’t even actual fear, but just discomfort. I’m a picky eater, because the texture or strong flavors of certain foods are just unpleasant to me. I don’t read heart-wrenching books or watch depressing movies because I tend to absorb those emotions and then have to struggle through them. I find it awkward to talk on the phone, so I avoid calling people.
Somewhere along the way, I decided to make my life as easy as possible by avoiding anything that wasn’t entirely comfortable to me. Although hiding has meant that I can protect myself from hurt, it also means that I’ve insulated myself from feeling all there is to feel in life.
I’ve limited myself in a lot of ways, and I haven’t accomplished nearly as much as I would like by this point in my life. But I’m tired of sitting on the sidelines in relative comfort and watching other people have enthralling experiences and stories. I’m ready to start facing my fears and discovering those I can discard, those I can embrace, and those that are okay to continue to avoid.
I’ve led a fairly privileged first-world life, so I want to acknowledge the people who deal with much greater and more immediate fears and crises on a daily basis. I’m fortunate to be able to challenge myself in these small ways because I don’t have to concentrate on life-or-death challenges.
In 2012, I will tackle one fear every week, big or small, in 52 FearKick Challenges. Despite the fact these won’t entail BASE jumping one week and swimming with sharks the next, it’s going to be exciting and and interesting to dig into.
I hope along the way to begin to discover more about myself as a person–what I want out of life, what I’m really about, what my avocations are. I’m going to stop hiding.
What scares you the most?
Sara E. Cotner
/ January 2, 2012Thanks for sharing your vulnerability, Beth! 2012 is my year to “make dreams happen,” so I’m going to have to step far outside my comfort zone week after week. I look forward to coming here for inspiration!
thesoundofwings
/ January 3, 2012I am excited to follow your blog. I absolutely relate to your second paragraph, I avoid all three that you mentioned, because I don’t want to be uncomfortable. I pad myself by saying that I haev done enough by now that I know what I enjoy and what I don’t and there is no need to do things I don’t enjoy. I don’t admit this outloud, but I see how this is holding me back. Thank you for being so bold as to step out there!
em
/ January 3, 2012I second Sarah’s comment! What a thoughtful, inspiring, and, dare I say, courageous endeavor! Three cheers!!
Allyn Milojevich
/ January 3, 2012I, for one, really appreciate you sharing these thoughts. I know it can be scary to admit things you aren’t comfortable with, so I think it is super awesome that you are willing to be so candid. I look forward to following your blog all year!
Whitney
/ January 3, 2012I have no doubt you can do anything you set your mind and heart to, and I am so excited to see where this takes you!
Rosalie
/ January 3, 2012I am super excited to be a part of your journey. It’s interesting how much we focus on what we are not good at instead of what we are great at (like your writing!). This opportunity is about re-discovering that and discovering you. You go!
KTina
/ January 3, 2012Excellent start Beth! I’m excited to stay tuned for the Fear Kick you serve our way each week….this is going to be so fantastic for you
Beth
/ January 3, 2012Oh, wow, thank you all so much for the support and encouragement! Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own head and my own fears that I forget there are other people right there with me.
Donna Tuttle
/ January 4, 2012Wow. Good for you! I have the same fear of talking on the phone. Mostly, it stemmed from dealing with people who were annoyed with me (I was teacher at a school of wildly spoiled and entitled children, whose parents didn’t like them to be told no) but now it has extended to people I actually like. It’s become a thing and I decided I needed to fight it, too. If you can do it, I can at least try!
Amber
/ January 4, 2012Wow, I really respect what you’re doing and appreciate that you’re putting yourself out there like that. I too have goals to triumph over my fears and have been taking baby steps to get to the level I want to be at (someday I’d like to be able to scuba dive with my husband, and as of yet still panic when I try to put my head under the water). It’s great to know there’s other people out there who are also trying to grow as individuals and who are getting out of their comfort zones to do it. I think it’s a truly noble cause and look forward to following you!
John
/ January 5, 2012Writing this blog is probably the most courageous act I can imagine. What is more frightening than facing your fears? Facing them with an audience. Great respect to you for doing this. You asked what scares us the most. I suppose my most “logical fear” is claustrophobia in general and being buried alive in particular. I have awoken at night in a sweat from dreams of being buried alive. I can’t watch depictions of it on tv (a CSI episode comes to mind). I can’t say that I’m going to face this fear any time soon by forcing myself into that situation. I’ve feared too much in my life, especially when I was younger. Almost everything you describe here and in other posts about the fear of being judged, being observed, was an overpowering force in my life. I remember running out of a mall once when I was about 19 because a few people looked at me and I was certain that they were acknowledging what I already knew–that I was hideously ugly. Even now, almost 40 years later, I suspect that when people notice that I have particularly bad skin, they are repulsed. I guess the difference now is that I don’t care as much. An older friend told me many years ago that the best part of getting older is that you fear less. She was right. The love of others goes a long way to shore up self-acceptance, at least for me. Living through my fears and realizing that the world didn’t end also helped a lot. Thanks again Beth for doing this. It’s inspiring.
Tara
/ January 7, 2012Sounds like a great project! Can’t wait to see you tackle the world!
vMonster
/ June 13, 2012I just stumbled across your blog and I love the premise! Please keep it up!
PS – I’m afraid of lighting matches, too. I can only use the clicker things.