In 2010, Sara and Andy introduced me to their New Year’s Eve tradition of making a collage representing the upcoming year, and filling out a form to reflect on the past year. I loved the idea, but struggled with it at first. In fact, last year, as I was just fully forming the idea for this blog in my head, I thought my collage would be marvelous and a great way for me to lay out my plans.
But then I didn’t finish it.
I still have a pile of magazine clippings in my desk drawer.
When my magical thinking moments take over, I wonder if my inability to finish that small project led to my abandonment of the blog at the end of the summer. I trailed off for many reasons: because I wanted to do something big and meaningful at the end of the year and I realized that I wasn’t going to be able to do it; because I thought that surely, eight months in, making the effort to face my fear so often would have wrought some deep, significant change in my life, and I was discouraged when I couldn’t see any.
I think I was expecting too much. The things I tried really did change my life, even if only in small ways. I discovered that I’m gluten intolerant, and changing my diet to fit those new parameters actually was a pretty monumental shift. Plus, I stuck to a posting schedule pretty closely for those eight months, which wasn’t too bad.
Today’s my birthday, and what I usually consider the beginning of a new year. I’m not going to call this starting over. I’m going to just pick up my progress where I left off, and keep kicking things all year this time.