I feel like I’ve probably written a lot of obnoxious posts here, but this very well could be the worst. The premise: my amazing brother’s birthday gift to me is three days at Kripalu, a yoga and health retreat in the Berkshires of Massachusetts. Three days of peaceful rest, yoga, beautiful nature, and decompressing from life in general–the most perfect plan ever for someone with anxiety.
And yet I have found things to feel stress over whole preparing for this desperately-needed vacation. (Because my life is so tough, or something. I listened to the This American Life podcast on Harper High School and now really feel kind of more ashamed of my silly anxieties than ever.)
First I was worried that I don’t have the right clothes, and will be going to yoga classes in my running shorts. Then I realized that I’m terrified of group activity classes in general. And worst of all: shared bathrooms.
I’m not a total snot when it comes to luxury or comfort–although I do very much appreciate my comfortable life. So when I found out we’d be sharing a small, spartan room, I figured I could handle it. But the communal bathroom experience is one I’ve been very happy to leave in my college dorm past life.
As I type this, I’m actually cringing in shame, because this is just so stupid to be anxious about. Ugh. I can’t even stand that this is coming out as complaining about this amazing opportunity. Anyway, you don’t need details, you can imagine why I don’t enjoy sharing shower space with other people.
I was going to end this by suggesting that my challenge is to get through each of these different fears that are cropping up, but I think instead I need to just learn to accept them, without allowing myself anxiety here. I’m here for three days whether I’m anxious or not, so I might as well jump in head first and absorb the whole experience.
PLUS. It is winter in Massachusetts! And I was deliriously happy when it started snowing. I love everything about being here in the cold and the snow! Luckily I was able to cobble together warm clothing from generous friends and relatives, so I look forward to hiking around the (hilly!) grounds here.